Domestic violence refers to acts of violence that occur between current or former partners.

While there is no single definition, the central element of domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of behaviour aimed at controlling a partner through fear, for example by using behaviour which is violent and threatening. In most cases, the abusive behaviour is part of a range of tactics to exercise power and control over women and their children, and can be both criminal, and non-criminal. Domestic violence includes physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. For more information, see our tactics of abuse page.

Family violence is a broader term that refers to violence between family members, as well as violence between intimate partners. The term family violence is the most widely used term to identify the experiences of Indigenous people, because it includes the broad range of marital and kinship relationships in which violence may occur (The National Plan, COAG, 2009a).

View the Myths and Facts about DV factsheet.

People can experience domestic and family violence in their relationships with other family members. Older people or people with a disability may experience domestic and family violence from an unpaid carer such as a family member, friend or neighbour.

Domestic violence in LGBTQI+ relationships share many similarities with other types of intimate partner relationships, however, there are unique factors such as ‘outing’ or the threat of ‘outing’ as a form of control and abuse associated with a person’s gender or sexuality. Abuse in LGBTQI+ relationships is underreported and research shows there is a lack of understanding about domestic and family violence in LGBTQI+ relationships. View 'Queer without Fear – LGBTI Domestic and Family violence and its Impacts'.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

In a relationship, there should be respect, trust, mutual support, honesty, accountability, responsible parenting (including shared responsibility), economic partnership, negotiation and fairness.

There should never be threatening or intimidating behaviour like in the Power and Control Wheel. Check out this factsheet about respectful relationships from the Queensland Centre for Domestic & Family Violence Research.

If you feel you may be in an unhealthy relationship, this is something you can explore confidentially by browsing through our website or by contacting us for advice or support.

We believe all women should live free from fear and abuse.

If you’re thinking about leaving, you don’t have to do it alone.

DVConnect helps Queenslanders experiencing domestic and family violence with transport, safe accommodation and more.

You can call DVConnect Womensline on 1800 811 811 for safe accommodation or we can do this on your behalf if you contact us.

In cases where accommodation cannot be arranged via DVConnect, Brisbane Domestic Violence Service (BDVS) can work with you to keep you safe and find alternate accommodation. There are always options available to get you to safety.

Check out the power and control wheel or our tactics of abuse webpage for more information.

You can contact us anytime. We answer our phone 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

A Domestic Violence Order (DVO) helps to protect you, your children and other people named on the order from someone who is violent to you. A DVO will include conditions to stop the respondent from behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe.

Please refer to Legal Aid Queensland's guide on Domestic Violence Orders for information on what a DVO is, how to apply for one, what happens at court and more.

Women's Legal Service Queensland also have some useful Information Sheets, including Violence and Criminal Charges, Words You May Hear and more.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

Domestic violence shelters or refuges provide temporary and supportive accommodation for women and their children fleeing violence and abuse.

Staff at refuges might provide emotional support, counselling, support for your children, information and referral for financial, legal and housing assistance, planning for the future, and more.

Shelters/refuges are secret locations that are closed to the public for the safety of the women and children that take refuge there. On average, women and their children stay for about eight to twelve weeks, and most transition into independent housing after they leave. Refuge is an excellent option for women and their children who are fleeing abuse and want to make a fresh and supported start.

Virtual Tour of a Women’s Refuge

This virtual tour of a Women’s Refuge is brought to you by a collaboration between Chisholm Inc and Brisbane Domestic Violence Service. We gratefully acknowledge the contribution of 4510tv in producing this video.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

For many women, their biggest concern around the violence they're experiencing is if their children will be okay.

Children’s exposure to violence and abuse can have significant impacts on their safety, wellbeing and future. Children who have witnessed abuse in the home may experience challenges in relation to behaviours, school performance, emotional regulation, low self-esteem, difficulties in their own relationships and they may grow up to use violence or become victims themselves. With support you can help them change this trajectory, because children are resilient and capable.

There are many ways to support children who have witnessed or experienced abuse in the home. Some suggestions include:

• access support services like BDVS
• encourage children to speak about their emotions
• teach them that violence and abuse are never okay and teach them about respectful relationships and gender equality
• seek support from family support services.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

The consumption of alcohol or drugs does not cause abuse but if your partner acts more aggressively while under the influence, this is because alcohol and drug use can escalate abuse.

It is common for abusive men to use alcohol and/or drugs as an excuse for their abusive behaviour. See Mensline's page on common excuses for violence.

Stopping drinking alone will not be enough to put an end to the violence and abuse. Your partner must be willing to end their abusive behaviours and acknowledge and address the patterns of abuse they have used against you.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

It’s natural to want to try to attribute a partner’s abusive behaviours and actions to a condition that they could seek treatment for and possibly get better.

However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a rare condition. People who use abuse in their relationships frequently display narcissistic traits such as entitlement or feelings of superiority. These are all a part of domestic violence dynamics so your partner may simply be using domestic violence towards you.

For more information on narcissism and domestic and family violence, visit the National DV Hotline.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

Toxic masculinity refers to cultural norms and expectations of masculinity which shape boys and men’s lives including how to think and behave, such as being tough or dominant, self-reliant and suppressing emotions, or not liking things that are seen as ‘feminine’.

Toxic masculinity is harmful to men and all people, and is linked to increases in suicide in men, and violence and aggression towards others.

If you feel you may be in an unhealthy relationship, this is something you can explore confidentially by browsing through our website or by contacting us for advice or support.

If there has been violence or abuse in your relationship, couples counselling may put your safety at risk.

For any type of counselling to be successful, parties present need to be open and honest about what is happening and cannot have fear of repercussions. For these reasons, our Service does not recommend couples counselling for couples with an experience of domestic violence. Research and other specialist domestic and family violence services share our position on this.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

Mental health can impact a person’s behaviour but research shows that people with mental illness are not more violent than others. In fact, people with mental illness are more likely to be victims.

Psychological help may benefit your partner on a personal level with their own mental health, however, individual one on one counselling is not a recommended method of behaviour change treatment for men using violence in their relationships. We always recommend an evidence-based group program like our MDVOP and MDVEP. Find out more about our work with men using violence.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support. If you are using violence in your relationship, contact Mensline.

The gaslighting and manipulation tactics that are a part of domestic violence dynamics, can make it difficult to know whether your partner or ex has stopped their abusive behaviour for good.

Some indicators that your partner/ex may have stopped their abusive behaviour includes:

• no longer using violence, intimidation, coercive control or abuse towards you
• taking responsibility for their behaviour
• not projecting blame on you, someone else or blaming their pressures or circumstances on you
• not making excuses
• communicating openly and honestly about past abusive behaviours
• supporting your goals and aspirations in life
• respecting you, your feelings and valuing your opinions.

The Equality Wheel is about nonviolence and describes the qualities of a healthy relationship. The Power and Control Wheel is the Equality Wheel’s opposite, describing the violence used to exert control in unhealthy relationships.

If you have been experiencing abuse in your relationship, please contact us for confidential advice or support.

If you are in debt because of domestic or family violence, you are not alone.

Financial abuse is commonly used by abusers to control their partner to ensure they lack the financial capacity and security to leave. For some, the effects can last long after a person has fled a relationship, preventing them from starting afresh and building a new life with their children.

There is support available. Our specialist financial counselling and advocacy service has been funded by CUA since 2017 and has alleviated over $500,000 of domestic and family violence related debt from hundreds of women and families.

Our Specialist Domestic Violence Financial Advocate provides free and confidential financial and budgeting information, advocacy and support to people who have experienced financial abuse, hardship or stress arising from domestic violence. The Advocate works creatively and persistently to negotiate with creditors to eliminate debt incurred due to domestic and family violence.

You may also be eligible to receive financial assistance from Victims Assist Queensland (VAQ) if you have experienced an act of domestic and family violence in Queensland. Visit VAQ to find out about eligibility.

View Victims Assist video.

Many Australian banks also now have policies to assist customers who have experienced domestic and family violence.

Our Specialist Domestic Violence Financial Advocate can support you with accessing the above and finding financial freedom after domestic and family violence. Contact BDVS today.

If you are being told by someone that you have to maintain contact with your ex, you may want to seek legal advice.

Contact us and we can provide information or referral for legal advice.

If you have to maintain contact with your ex for whatever reason, we can support you with your safety. Call us anytime.